


You're My First Love

by iWriteNonsense



Category: The 100 (TV)
Genre: Alternate Universe - Modern Setting, Angst and Hurt/Comfort, Clexa, Eventual Smut, F/F, F/M, Past Relationship(s)
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2016-01-19
Updated: 2016-02-08
Packaged: 2018-05-15 01:12:26
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 5
Words: 16,110
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/5766283
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/iWriteNonsense/pseuds/iWriteNonsense
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Alternate Universe: Modern day Clexa.</p>
<p>Clarke ran away from her feelings and hasn't been back to her hometown for more than five years. What happens when she takes up a job as the new Medical Examiner at the Polis Police Department and makes the decision to return back home? Will she be able to face the people that she left behind? Will she be able to face her again? The one person she promised she wouldn't leave? </p>
<p>Or </p>
<p>Clarke is a Medical Examiner and Lexa is a Detective but they have to work together and things aren't exactly rainbows and unicorns for them. </p>
<p>Ugh...I suck at summaries.</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Welcome Back

**Author's Note:**

> Hey all, so this is my first Clexa fanfic and I have to say, it wasn't the easiest thing in the world. I've become obsessed with this couple and I just couldn't help but write something. I hope you all enjoy it and I apologise in advance for any grammatical errors, spelling mistakes etc. Sometimes I'm not the most patient proof reader. Okay I'll stop talking now. Please enjoy and don't be afraid to pop in and leave a comment :)
> 
> Disclaimer: I own NOTHING. Characters etc belong to the rightful owner(s).

**Chapter 1: Welcome Back.**

 

“So…”

 

“So what?” Clarke asks, raising an eyebrow questioningly.

 

“Are you ready to go back to Polis? Back to where it all began?”

 

Clarke sighs, taking a seat at the foot of her bed. She lowers her head, giving herself a minute to really think about the question, her gaze dropping to her hands settled in her lap.

 

Is she ready to go back home? Can she still call it home when she’s been away for more than five years? Is she prepared for the possible changes that may have occurred while she’s been away? Would those she left behind even remember her? Would _she_ remember her? Forgive her?

 

For a little over five years,

_‘Five years, seven months, two days and 5 hours to be exact, minutes, seconds and milliseconds don’t matter,’_ Clarke thinks to herself, she has been away from her hometown. She spent the time finishing her medical degree at one of the best Universities in the country, before making a name for herself, as one of the best, sort after, Medical Examiners at The Ark Police Department. It’s been more than five years since she’s been home. Since she’s seen her parents. Since she’s seen her friends. Since she’s seen _her_.

 

_‘Do I even have the right to consider them my friends? Not once did I make the effort to write or call any of them…especially **her**.’_

 

Clarke bites her bottom lip as she allows her mind to briefly drift towards _her_. She remembers the bright smile that seems to light up the room when she’s happy. She remembers the way her hair falls down the middle of her back in loose curls. The way she scrunches her face just so when she’s deep in thought or concentrating. The blonde shakes her head, putting an end to her thoughts, her head finally lifting to meet the worried gaze of her best friend of five years.

 

“Honestly O? I really don’t know,” Clarke, replies as her shoulders drop in defeat before falling back onto her bed, a light _‘whoosh’_ is heard as her body hits the mattress beneath her. The blonde, is staring at the ceiling she’s spent the last couple of years in, wondering whether she’s making the right decision or not. She feels the bed move as Octavia plops down right next to her.

 

“Look Clarke, I’m pretty sure if you call Jaha right now, he’ll be more than happy to give you your old job back. You know that I’ll support whatever decision you’re going to make Princess. However, it _has_ been years since you’ve been back home and shit. I’ve put up with enough of your bitching and moaning about not seeing your parents to know that you really miss them. I’m sure both of them are dying to you. Besides, don’t you wanna go show off your mad skills? You’re the best Medical Examiner out there and it sounds like your hometown is desperate. You need to let them know that the Griff is going to be the best they’ll ever have,” Octavia says not bothering to look at Clarke.

 

“What if I’m making a mistake? That going back home is going to make me realise that I left a perfectly good life here, to end up throwing it all away? I feel like people aren’t going to be welcoming me home with open arms. Fuck, even my parents might not even want me there. They didn’t even visit me up here when I sent them those plane tickets for my graduation,” the blonde replies, closing her eyes. There’s a slight tightness in her chest as her mind wanders to her parents. To her hometown and the people she grew up with before her thoughts move to uncharted territory. To those piercing green eyes that have been etched into her memory. The same green eyes that conveyed so much emotion, so much hurt, so much pain. The same green eyes she had walked away from without turning back, all those years ago.

 

“Is it the people you’re afraid of? Or _someone_? Don’t you think that maybe it’s time you two kiss and made up? If not, at least have some angry make-up sex, it might make you less bitchy, Lord knows it’s been a while,” Octavia states simply, her voice interrupting Clarke’s train of thought. The brunette knows about her history. About her story and why she left Polis. Of course she can see past Clarke and her bullshit excuses.

 

“Octavia! You know it’s not like that!” Clarke scolds, slapping her friend lightly on the arm. Octavia simply rolls her eyes before continuing.

 

“Whatever Princess, besides, your parents love you Clarke, even if they didn’t come visit you, I know for a fact that they’re proud of what you’ve accomplished. Moving back home and taking this job is going to give you the opportunity to ask your parents that question in person. That way they won’t chicken shit out and hang up on you. Also, don’t you think your parents deserve to meet me? I mean, I’m fucking awesome Clarke and the fact that you have yet to take me to visit them wounds me,” Octavia says propping herself up on her right arm so she can look down at the blonde.

 

“Ugh. You’re so dramatic sometimes,” Clarke says, looking up at her friend, a small grin tugging at the corner of her lips.

 

“And so fucking full of yourself,” she adds sitting up. This earns her a punch on the arm from Octavia, causing her to chuckle before standing and making her way over to her closet. She eyes the open suitcase lying on the floor next to her bed.

 

“I guess you’re right, O. It _has_ been years and I _do_ miss home. Besides, how can I deny Polis my mad skills?” she says turning back to her closet, grabbing an armful of clothes and throwing them on the bed.

 

“And you say _I’m_ the one that’s full of themselves? You’re such a hypocrite Griffin,” Octavia says a grin playing on her lips.

 

“Oh shut up and help me pack! I still can’t believe you’re coming with me. Maybe I should retract my offer. I’m surprised they even allowed you to transfer jobs,” Clarke teases, throwing a pair of pants at Octavia.

 

“Please. You wouldn’t be able to survive without me and if this is your way of telling me that you want me to get into your pants, I don’t want it,” the brunette says tossing the item onto the growing pile of clothes on the bed. Clarke smiles at her friend’s antics, shaking her head, wondering for the umpteenth time how she managed to get so lucky with a friend like Octavia.

 

“In your dreams Blake.”

 

* * *

 

 

Slamming the door to her Chief’s office, Lexa makes her way to her desk, throwing her empty coffee cup into the trash angrily. This causes a few heads to turn in her direction as she throws herself into her desk chair.

 

“Fucking son-of-a-bitch!” she hisses, falling back into her chair, pinching the bridge of her nose. She can feel a headache starting as she clenches her jaw, wanting more than anything to punch something…or someone.

 

“Something wrong?” A voice to the left of her asks.

 

“Fuck off Anya, you know exactly what happened. Don’t act like you didn’t know. Why didn’t you _tell_ me?!” the brunette says turning her head to glare at her partner.

 

“You let your personal problems get into this case Lexa. Chief and I both agree that you need to step back and let someone else take the reigns on this one.”

 

“Seriously?! We’re the _best_ he has and you know it!” Lexa hisses back. She has a feeling this has something to do with the night she almost lost it after seeing a blonde victim that reminded her too much of a certain blonde that she tried so hard to forget. That she thought _had_ forgotten about.

 

“Don’t you think I know that? But this case is getting to you. You haven’t slept in two days and that’s not healthy. I may be your partner now but I’ll forever be your mentor and I say you need to go home and rest.”

 

“You should have consulted me first! I’m your fucking _partner_! I don’t even have any issues with this case. I was getting close to solving it.”

 

Deep down, Lexa knows this is a lie and so does Anya. They spent three weeks on the case and they _had_ been going somewhere until the events of what happened two nights ago hit too close to home with Lexa. It didn’t help that the victim, about the same age as _her_ , reminded the brunette of a past, which she’s spent years trying to bury.

 

_‘Why is it still so hard after all these years? Why is it that the walls I’ve built so solidly around my heart chip away at the mere thought of her? Of anything that reminds me of her?’_ Lexa thinks to herself.

_‘Oh I don’t know, maybe because you know you can’t? Dammit Woods, you’re still kicking it with her parents for God’s sake!’_

 

The sound of someone clearing their throat interrupts the debate Lexa’s having with herself. She almost groans, remembering that she’s in a conversation with Anya.

 

“Tell me right now that you’ll have no problem looking over the body that’s lying on that autopsy table downstairs. If we were to go down to Nyko’s right now, would you be able to listen to his findings? If she has blue eyes, would you not falter?” the blonde says rising from her chair and making her way over to Lexa’s desk. She props herself on the edge of Lexa’s desk, her eyes challenging the brunette to give her an answer.

 

Lexa knows she’s been back into a corner. Anya knew how to do that and it irked her at times. She hates feeling vulnerable and she hates that Anya knows which buttons to press. She also knows that Anya’s right and it pisses her off even more. Being one to never back down from a challenge, the brunette narrows her eyes.

 

“I’ll be fine. Don’t you think I know that she’s not _her_? It was just a momentary lapse in judgement that night. It won’t happen again,” she says pushing her chair back and standing abruptly.

 

“Then you’ll have no problem having someone else take the case. Ryder and Luna will do just fine. I’m taking you out drinking later on tonight since it’s Nyko’s last night and we need to celebrate. The new M.E. starts Monday and if we don’t have any bodies turn up this weekend, we’ll have a free weekend. Now go grab your shit and let’s go,” her partner says already moving towards her desk to grab her things.

 

“Fine,” Lexa huffs snatching her duffle bag from where she had thrown it unceremoniously under her desk earlier. “But you’re buy me my first drink. I’m going to the gym.”

 

Lexa doesn’t miss Anya’s eye roll as she passes the blonde.

 

“I saw that!” she yells over her shoulder as she makes a hasty exit. Just as she reaches the elevator, her phone chimes in the back pocket of her jeans.

 

“Woods,” she says not bothering to check on who’s calling.

 

“What’s up your ass?”

 

“Reyes, always a pleasure,” Lexa replies rolling her eyes at her best friend as she steps into the elevator.

 

“Anya told me you’re going to the gym, rough morning?”

 

Of course Anya’s already told her. Sometimes Lexa wishes cell phones had never been invented. Nothing seems to be a secret anymore. She loves Anya and Raven but sometimes, a girl could do with a little peace and quiet, before being hassled by her friends. Deep down she knows her friends mean well and Raven’s probably half way changed into her gym gear, ready to join her in letting out her frustrations.

 

“It’s fine Rae, I’m fine,” she replies as the elevator doors slide open and she exits, making her way out of the precinct, into the car park and towards her car. Tossing her duffle bag in the passenger seat, she slides into the driver seat and slips the key into the ignition.

 

“Sometimes I hate it when Anya pulls the ‘I’m your mentor’ card every time she wants to get the upper hand on a disagreement. I’m assuming you’re coming with me?”

 

“She may be your mentor, but you know you’re the Commander. Everyone can see that she gives you the reigns. It’s only when she deems it necessary, to steer that ass of yours in the right direction, that she pulls that card and yes I’m coming to the gym. Gotta have someone there to keep an eye out.”

 

“I don’t need a babysitter Raven and you know I hate it when you guys call me that.”

 

“I know that Commander, it’s why we continue to call you that, besides it’s not _you_ that I’m keeping an eye on, it’s the other people in the gym that I’m worried about,” the woman teases.

 

“Fuck you, Reyes,” Lexa says.

 

“I love you too Woods, I’ll see you soon.”

 

With a muttered ‘whatever,’ Lexa ends the call and finally starts her car. As she backs out of her parking space, she catches a glimpse of blonde hair, which quickly disappears into the passenger side of a blue Toyota Corolla with tinted windows. Lexa stops and her body goes rigid as her eyes follow the car. As it passes, she can only make out the face of the driver. Her passenger currently occupied with looking for something, her blonde hair shielding her face. Lexa’s grip on her steering wheel tightens enough for her knuckles to turn white. The sound of a horn being tooted behind her snaps her back to reality.

 

“Fuck!” she curses, quickly manoeuvring her car into gear and pulling out of the precinct.

 

_‘Ugh. I’m seeing things. Maybe Anya’s right, I need a break. There’s no way that that was her. Just because she has blonde hair, doesn’t mean it’s her. It’s been more than five years. Get your shit together Woods!’_

* * *

 

 

Fiddling nervously with the hem of her top, Clarke can’t help but let her eyes wander around the room. It’s been three days since she’s been in Polis and this is the first time since she’s arrived that she’s finally been out in public. Three days and she has yet to let her parents know.

 

_‘I’ll call them after this,’_ she tells herself.

 

The Polis police station is surprisingly quiet for a Friday morning and it still amazes her how much has changed since she’d last been there. Today’s weather isn’t the best and there is a slight chill in the air but the warmth that fills the building does little to calm Clarke’s nerves. For the hundredth time, she glances down at her watch.

 

“Well if it isn’t little Miss Clarke Griffin?” a voice booms, startling the blonde a little. Glancing towards the source of the voice, Clarke can’t help the smile that crosses her lips, as she recognises the giant of a man making his way toward her.

 

“Chief Gustus,” she finally replies, standing from her seat and wiping her sweaty palms along her jeans before making her way over to the bearded man.

 

“It’s great to see you again, sir,” she adds sticking out her hand for him to shake.

 

“Nonsense, you haven’t started yet so it’s Gustus, I haven’t seen you in years and you’re offering me a handshake?” Gustus says pushing away her offered hand and pulling the smaller woman into a tight bear hug. Clarke can’t help but melt into the man’s arms. Gustus always did give great hugs. The nervousness the blonde felt earlier melts away as she pulls back from the hug to study the man in front of her.

 

Five years have been good to Gustus. Apart from the longer beard, higher status, rounder belly and the new tattoo on his face, Gustus still looks like the same man that used to watch over her as she played with her best friend as a child. With a menacing physique, he could scare anyone into telling the truth, but anyone who knows the man knows that he is the worlds biggest teddy bear. Clarke finds herself feeling guilty for being away for so long.

 

“Sorry Gus,” the blonde says her eyes falling to the floor.

 

“Don’t you apologize Griffin, you did what was best for you and from what I see, you’ve really managed to do quite well for yourself, haven’t you?”

 

“You’ve always been way too nice to me Gus.”

 

“I’m not being nice Clarke, it’s the truth. Just because you’ve been away, doesn’t mean I still can’t keep an eye on you. Now come on, lets go get this paper work out of the way and have your life signed away before you decide to change your mind shall we?”

 

Clarke can only nod as she follows Gustus down the long hall, finally taking a right at the last door at the end of the hallway. As she enters the room, she is greeted by a handful of detectives who pause for only a second to watch them enter before continuing on with their day. Not wanting to keep Gustus waiting, she drops her head and briskly follows behind the taller man until they make it into his office.

 

“Please take a seat,” Gustus says gesturing to the chair opposite his desk. Papers shuffle around his desk as he rifles through his things, looking for something, while Clarke scans the room. It’s not a very large office, but it’s also not small either.

 

From the large windows located behind Gustus to the pristine furniture that occupy the office, everything about his office doesn’t seem to fit him. There are only a handful of paintings, which occupy his walls, and there is only one framed picture placed atop his desk near his oak wood name placard with his name engraved on it. Clarke wonders for a brief moment what the small five by seven picture frame held within its confines.

 

“Ah ha! Found them,” Gustus says after a few moments. Clarke watches him straighten a few papers before placing them gently in front of her. It’s her contract.

 

“Now Clarke, before you sign your life away, I want to be sure that you’re ready to take this job. Nyko has been our Medical Examiner here for almost 20 years and he’s one of the best but he’s retiring and I want to be sure that I picked the right person to replace him. I can’t make any promises that everyone here will be entirely welcoming to a new M.E. but I can assure you that I’ll do what I can on my end to keep everyone in line,” he says eyeing her carefully.

 

Clarke takes a deep breath and lets it out slowly. She had a feeling this might be the case but she’s determined not to back down. Not when she’s packed up her other life in favour of returning back home, to start on a clean slate and to hopefully make amends for her past mistakes. Offering Gustus a small smile, she straightens in the chair and looks him in the eye.

 

“I’m sure, Gus. I didn’t just take this job for an excuse to come back home. I love my job and I love helping people. I’m _good_ at it. I enjoyed my time at the Ark but I never felt like I genuinely belonged there.”

 

“I hope you know that the way we do things around here are a little…different?” Gustus says hesitantly. Clarke nods.

 

“I wouldn’t expect anything less,” she adds smiling. The older man seems pleased by her answer.

 

“Excellent. Now, if you’ll please sign on the dotted lines,” he says gesturing to the papers in front of her and handing her a pen. Clarke leans forward and takes the pen from Gus before signing her name on the bottom of the page. Once everything is signed, Gustus takes the papers and files them away in a cabinet directly behind him.

 

“Welcome to Polis Police Department Dr. Griffin. I’m sure it won’t take you too long to fit right in. I’ve arranged to have Lincoln show you around the precinct and to help you get settled in.”

 

“Linc works here now?”

 

“Yes, he’s an excellent officer and I’m very proud of my nephew. He’s bee—”

 

Three sharp knocks on the office door, followed by the sound of it opening stops Gustus mid sentence. Turning towards the door, Clarke can feel all the blood drain from her face and her fingers grow numb as her eyes land on the face of someone all too familiar.

 

“Chief, I was wondering if maybe I cou—”

 

The woman stops her midsentence as her eyes land on Clarke. For a moment no one says anything. Anya is frozen with her hand still grasping the door handle and her eyes are glued to Clarke. For that one second, Clarke almost wishes the floor would swallow her whole. As quickly as the blonde thinks that, Anya rights herself and fixes Clarke with a cold hard stare. She grits her teeth and narrows her eyes at Clarke.

 

“Sir, may I have a word please?” she asks with a cold edge to her voice, her eyes never leaving Clarke.

 

“Detective Fisher, whatever it is that you wish to discuss, you may do so in front of Dr. Griffin,” Gustus says seeming unfazed by the change of atmosphere. Clarke slinks back in her seat fighting back a groan.

 

_‘Of all the fucking days! Just my luck! Of **course** Anya works here too…’_

“Dr. Griffin?” Anya asks slowly, a hint of surprise barely audible in her voice. Had Clarke not been listening, she may have missed it.

 

“Yes. Clarke here is going to be replacing Nyko. She’s one of the b—”

 

“No.”

 

“Excuse me?”

 

“I said no. I don’t want her working here nor do I trust Griffin. She’ll only be here for a year and then leave.”

 

Although Clarke has been preparing herself for situations like this, it still hurt. Anya had been one of her friends. Or that’s what she liked think. Anya was always in the cool crowd and Clarke had always admired her. However, now, things were different. Clarke had turned her back on her old friends and she knew it was only inevitable, that she might bump into someone. She just wasn’t counting on it being today.

 

“Anya,” Gustus warns.

 

“She’s not _welcome_ here! I will never welcome her here. She could _never_ replace Nyko,” Anya says. Something in Clarke snaps. She sets her jaw and stands from her seat, making her way to Anya with her head held high, stopping directly in front of the other woman.

 

“I didn’t come here to feel welcome, Anya and I sure as hell didn’t come here to replace anyone, let alone Nyko. But I’m here to do a job, a job that I love and that I’m fucking _good_ at. If you have a problem with that, then that’s hardly my problem,” Clarke dares through gritted teeth, her fists clenched tightly at her sides. Anya says nothing. It dawns on Clarke that at this distance, Anya could probably punch her in the face, but she’s never been one to back down from a fight.

 

“Ladies. This is hardly the time or place. Detective, whether you like it or not, Dr. Griffin is now a part of our department. Whatever it is that you wish to discuss, we can do so first thing Monday morning, right now, I suggest you go home,” Gustus says breaking the silence. His voice does nothing to break the tension in the room or the staring contest between the two women.

 

“Detective Fisher,” Gustus warns from behind them, finally breaking their eye contact. Anya lets out a growl but backs off. Clarke releases the breath she didn’t realise she’d been holding but stands alert, just in case.

 

“Fine,” she breathes. “You better stay out of my way _Griffin_. This is me being nice compared to what you’ll be receiving when Lexa finds out we’ll be working together,” Anya adds, a dangerous grin on her face, before turning on her heel and making an exit, slamming the door behind her. Clarke’s brain takes a minute to catch on to what Anya just said and when it does, she starts to panic.

 

_‘W-what? Did she just say Lexa? Lexa works here too? Fuck! Fuck fuck fuckity fuck! What in the hell am I getting myself into?!’_

 

 

 


	2. Of Reunions and Such

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> So I almost couldn't finish this chapter due to all the Clexa goodness that's been floating all over Tumblr lately. However, I pulled through it and managed to finish Chapter 2 so Yay! Hope you all enjoy and thank you to all that commented and for all the kudos. You're all amazing.

**Chapter 2: Of reunions and such.**

Sweat is dripping off of Lexa’s body as she continues to assault the punching bag in front of her with heavy jabs and punches. She almost knocks Raven flat on her ass until the smaller woman finally backs away from the bag.

 

“Fuck, Lexa! I know you’re pissed but can you turn it down a bit? You’re about to punch a fucking hole through that bag and it didn’t even do shit to you!!” Raven says moving to sit down on the bench near by. She picks up her water bottle and takes a sip from it, glaring at her best friend. Lexa drops her arms and makes her way over to Raven.

 

“I’m sorry Rae, it’s just been one of those days I guess,” she replies with a frustrated sigh. She holds out her gloved hands in front of her so Raven can remove them.

 

Lexa can’t really figure out why she’s been so on edge but in the back of her mind she knows that this might, have something to do with the blonde she saw earlier before she left work. She has yet to tell Raven anything about what’s been happening, especially the incident that happened earlier.

 

“Are you going to tell me what’s going on with you or what? Ever since we arrived you’ve been quieter than usual and you’ve been pushing yourself. You only do that when you want a distraction, so what is going on in that head of yours Commander?”

 

Lexa contemplates lying to Raven but she knows that’ll be of no use since she’ll eventually find out. With everything that’s been going on in her mind lately, maybe telling Raven wouldn’t be such a bad idea. Grabbing her offered water bottle from Raven, she plops her tired body next to her, taking a gulp of water.

 

“I’ve been thinking a lot about her lately,” she starts. She can feel Raven’s understanding nod as she waits for her to continue.

 

“We had a victim two nights ago that reminded me of her. For a moment I panicked until Anya confirmed that it wasn’t her. The problem is, is that even though I knew it wasn’t her, I couldn’t help but feel invested in the case Rae. I haven’t slept in two days and Anya started to see how snappy I was becoming and how little I was eating,” Lexa pauses for a moment to collect her thoughts.

 

“Earlier, before I got here, I saw a woman. It was just a glimpse of this seemingly random blonde woman and I immediately thought of her again. I didn’t even see her face but the blonde hair was enough to…to…” Lexa lets out a frustrated sigh.

 

“Have you lose your shit?” Raven offers with a light chuckle. Lexa rolls her eyes at her best friend and stands from her seat. Raven watches as she begins to pace back and forth.

 

“It’s been a little over five years, why am I still hung up on her? Why does it have to be this week?”

 

Raven stands and moves over to Lexa, draping her arm across the woman’s shoulders.

 

“I really wish I knew all the answers. I really do, but don’t you think that maybe it’s because there was never any closure between the two of you? Don’t forget that she was my friend too but you two were different. I don’t know what it was, but there was some freaky ass sixth sense kind of connection between the two of you. Do you remember that time you got hurt during that soccer game and Clarke literally ran out of an exam because she felt something bad in her gut?” Raven asks eyeing Lexa. The brunette gives her a tight-lipped smile of acknowledgment and a small nod.

 

She remembers that day all too well. It had been raining and it was Lexa’s second game of the season and the first game Clarke would have to miss. Lexa hated that Clarke wouldn’t be able to make it, even joking that the blonde was always her lucky charm, but she knew that her exam was important. Raven had promised to record the entire game and they would watch it later on that night.

 

It was the second half of the game and Lexa had the ball, dribbling it down the field. Just as she was about to reach the goal, an opposing player tackled her but instead of getting the ball, she got Lexa instead. Lexa fell awkwardly and her ankle twisted at an odd angle. Suffice to say, she was out for the entire season. Not long after Lexa was escorted off the field, Clarke showed up, soaked to the bone, demanding that she see the brunette. Clarke couldn’t explain how she knew something had happened but she knew that she just had to see Lexa. It wasn’t the first time that something like that had happened. It didn’t take long for Lexa to figure out that she too had the same kind of connection. As Raven had put it—

 

“Freaky ass sixth sense shit. Do you think that maybe it has something to do with that?”

 

“I don’t know. I think I’m just seeing things what with the lack of sleep and all.”

 

“Mmm,” Raven says nodding. “Maybe. Anyway, if you’re quite done beating the shit out of that punching bag, whatya say about us getting ready for this little shindig tonight huh? Besides, you stink.”

 

“Fuck you Rae,” Lexa says giving her a playful punch on the arm. “Just for the record I smell amazing.”

 

“Ain’t that the truth sister,” Raven replies with a cheeky wink.

 

“Hey Raven?”

 

“Hmm?”

 

“Thanks.”

 

“Sure sure, now lets get going. No more of this sentimental bullshit. Time for this girl to get her jiggle juice!” Raven says slapping her butt and doing a little jig for effect. Lexa can’t help but laugh at her friend. Tonight she’s going to have a good time and nothings going to stop her.

 

* * *

 

Clarke asks herself for the millionth time why she agreed to come out with Octavia tonight but she does so anyway. After what had transpired earlier that day with Anya, she was hardly in the mood to go out drinking. However, Octavia insisted that she needed to take her mind off things and she wouldn’t take no for an answer.

 

“Fine, but only a few drinks O. I really don’t feel like being out tonight,” she says letting her brunette friend drag her into a bar called “Grounder”. She doesn’t remember ever seeing this place when she lived here, but then again, a lot of things had changed since then.

 

Clarke had decided on dressing down for the night. Dark blue denim jeans and a black sleeveless button up top with a brown leather jacket thrown over the top. At least Octavia had let her have that tonight.

 

They enter the bar without much resistance and make their way quickly towards the bar. Clarke’s eyes wander around the place, feeling slightly nervous at the unfamiliar faces that surround them. There are a handful of pool tables that litter one side of the bar. Booths are spread throughout the outskirts of the place with a few tables scattered nearby. There is a small dance floor in the middle with lights that are currently off and a crystal ball hanging in the middle.

 

Octavia doesn’t let go of Clarke’s hand until they’re both seated at the bar. Clarke once again surveys the place as Octavia waves down the bartender who’s currently talking to a guy in the corner, clearly looking like he’s had a few too many drinks.

 

“Hey babe, what are you drinking tonight?” Octavia asks finally getting the attention of the guy behind the bar.

 

“Just beer O,” she mumbles quietly. Octavia pouts at her.

 

“Ugh, you’re no fun anymore princess. Hey cutie, two beers and two tequila shots please,” Octavia says adding a wink. Clarke almost feels sorry for him as he nods and blushes.

 

_‘She still has it,’_ the blonde thinks to herself shaking her head in disbelief at Octavia.

 

“Oh come on Clarke, its harmless. Besides, you’re taking that tequila shot with me,” she adds. Clarke groans internally. As the bartender, approaches and hands them their drinks with shaky hands, she can’t help but chuckle to herself.

 

“Thanks…uh…” Octavia says placing her hand on the guys hand. His eyes go wide as he gulps for a few seconds looking like a fish out of water.

 

_‘Poor guy.’_

‘J-Jasper,” he barely manages to stutter out.

 

“Right, Jasper. Cute name. Now, you see my friend and I are new here, so I was wondering if you could keep the drinks flowing all night? You see, she’s had a bit of a rough day and she needs something to get her fucked up!” the brunette says giving him her signature smile. Jasper can only nod as a strangled ‘okay’ can barely be heard from him.

 

“Thanks sweetie,” Octavia says giving his hand a final pat before turning her attention back to Clarke.

 

“O, that was mean and you know it. Besides, I thought I told you I wasn’t drinking much tonight,” Clarke warns. Octavia grabs the two tequila shots and hands one to Clarke. She takes it hesitantly and eyes Octavia.

 

“It’s harmless and tonight is going to be about you. We’re celebrating your return Clarke and even though you had that shitty thing happen to you earlier, we’re not going to let that stop you. Now drink up and lets get shit face wasted tonight! Now cheers bitch!” Octavia says clinking her shot glass with the blondes.

 

“Sometimes I don’t know _how_ you became a cop,” Clarke mumbles before raising her own glass and at the same time, they both down their shot. The burn isn’t entirely pleasant but Clarke can’t help but feel like it actually hit the spot. Placing her shot glass back on the bar top, she waves Jasper over and orders another two shots.

 

_‘Maybe O’s right, I should be celebrating. I just got myself a new job and what happened with Anya earlier shouldn’t stop me from having some fun. I can worry about work on Monday when it finally comes.’_

When Clarke’s eyes find Octavia’s, the brunette is smiling proudly at her.

  

* * *

 

 

When Lexa enters Grounder with Raven and Anya in tow, the lights have dimmed and the music is blasting. It’s like this every Friday night after 11:30p.m. The three girls would have arrived earlier but Raven had insisted on having pre-drinks before making their way out. Nyko and a few of their work mates have been here since 10p.m.

 

Lexa quickly scans the room and her eyes fall on their booth, located in the back corner, which is now occupied by a handful of their friends, including Chief Gustus. The three of them make their way over to the table earning cheers and high fives from everyone. Lexa can no longer hold back her smile as everyone squeezes together to make room for the three women.

 

“Wooh! Woods, Reyes, Fisher, y’all are lookin’ mighty fine tonight ladies!” Ryder yells over the music.

 

“No matter how many times you try Ryder, you’re not getting any of our goodies,” Raven says laughing at Ryder’s pout.

 

“Drinks! We need drinks!” Anya shouts over the laughter.

 

It doesn’t take long before Nyko and Lincoln show up with a tray of drinks. Lexa grabs herself a beer and settles back in her seat observing everyone around her. She watches the happy smiles and listens to the slurred conversations of some. Lexa can’t help but feel internally grateful for having such a great team to work with. Her eyes fall on Nyko who’s leaning on the edge of the booth smiling at something Ryder says. She really is going to miss seeing him at work.

 

When Lexa first started at Polis, he was the first one to truly make her feel welcome into the force. Sure Anya had been there, but she was her mentor and she had been a hard-ass. Nyko had shown her the true art of loving your work if you’re passionate about it. Whenever she would visit him, he always had a smile on his face and she could always tell that he enjoyed doing what he was doing. Finally after ten minutes of people watching, she stood from her spot. Everyone around the booth quietens down and turns toward her.

 

“To Nyko!” She says loudly enough for everyone to hear, raising her bottle in the air. She is greeted with echoes of ‘To Nyko’s’ and ‘hear, hear’ as everyone around her begins downing their drinks. She catches Nyko’s eye and with a slight nod of her head, they both take a sip of their drinks before settling back down in her seat. To her left, Lexa rolls her eyes at Anya and Raven as they whisper amongst themselves, completely ignoring everyone else around them. It amazes Lexa that they still have yet to act upon their feelings. The brunette says nothing for several moments, just sipping her beer, giving an occasional nod here and an answer or two there.

 

Movement in the corner of her eye catches her attention. She squints a little, her attention drawn to the bar, trying to make out the two figures sitting there. There’s a blonde with her back turned to them and a brunette laughing at something the blonde had said. When the brunette woman turns a little to look down at her phone, Lexa gasps. It’s the same woman she had seen earlier in the car park. She frowns as her gaze moves to the woman with blonde hair. Something in her gut tells her she should go talk to the woman but before she can do that, Anya nudges her in the ribs. Hard. Lexa tears her gaze away from the women.

 

“What?!” She hisses at Anya.

 

“I have to tell you something Lex. It’s about the new Med Ex,” Anya starts.

 

“We’re getting a new one, I know Anya,” Lexa says her eyes drifting back to the blonde and the brunette.

 

_‘Come on…turn around.’_

“Lexa!” Anya tries again sounding slightly annoyed, waving a hand frantically in front of Lexa’s face, breaking her gaze once again.

 

“What Anya, what?!”

 

“The new Med Ex is going to be C—”

 

“Detective Woods, may I have a word please?” Gustus interrupts seemingly out of nowhere. There’s a serious look on his face and Lexa is a little taken aback by it. Lexa simply nods and nudges Anya to move. As she exits the booth she can hear Anya mutter a quiet ‘fuck’ as she passes her. Lexa frowns but decides to let it go as she follows Gustus out of the bar. 

* * *

 

 

“Come on Clarke, I wanna dance!”

 

“O, I really don’t want to right now. Besides I think I need some fresh air,” Clarke says turning to look at the now crowded dance floor. Clarke didn’t realize how quickly this place had filled after her sixth or was it seventh shot? Clarke isn’t sure anymore and she’s starting to really feel the affects of the alcohol in her system.

 

_‘This isn’t good. I need to get out of here. Is the room supposed to be spinning?’_

Clarke goes to stand from her stool but stumbles forward. A hand on her upper arm stops her from falling face first into Octavia who’s too busy downing another shot to notice Clarke. Turning her head to her right, Clarke finds Lincoln. For a second there is only concern written on his face until finally recognition dawns his features.

 

“Clarke?” He says making sure that she’s okay before letting go of her arm when he’s certain she’s capable of standing on her own two feet.

 

“Lincoln, hey,” Clarke says timidly, suddenly unsure of what to say. She gives him a brief hug and steps back to examine him. Gone is the tall lanky 18-year-old that hated all things violent. Standing before her is a man. Even in the dimly lit bar, Clarke can see the lean muscle under Lincoln’s black fitted t-shirt. Clarke almost didn’t recognise him with the lack of hair on his head apart from the closely cut Mohawk just visible on the top of his head. She can hardly believe that this is the same person that used to follow them around.

 

“I heard from Gus you were back in town, didn’t expect to see you til Monday,” he says with that ever present grin on his face.

 

“Ahem.”

 

Clarke turns toward Octavia who’s eyeing them curiously. Clarke rolls her eyes and decides to make the introductions before Octavia decides to.

 

“Sorry Linc, this little buddle of energy is Octavia. Octavia this is Lincoln, an old friend,” she says gesturing between the two. “O is a cop too. I don’t know how she managed to get a transfer here, but she got it.”

 

Octavia slaps her on the arm and jumps off of her seat. How she manages to do that with the amount of shots she’s had amazes Clarke.

 

“Ignore Princess, she’s just bitter that I wouldn’t let her come back home by herself. It’s nice to meet you Lincoln,” she says holding her hand out for him to shake. Clarke has to bite the inside of her cheek, to stop the smile that’s pulling at her lips, as Lincoln takes her hand in his and kisses the back of her hand. Octavia is practically beaming at this as Lincoln continues to hold her hand.

 

“The pleasure is all mine,” Lincoln replies smoothly. No longer wanting to be the third wheel in the situation, Clarke decides to make her exit, letting Octavia know that she’s going outside for some fresh air. Octavia only manages a nod as Lincoln offers to buy her another drink. Clarke makes her way through the sea of bodies on the dance floor, but not before the room starts to spin again, reminding her of the amount of alcohol she’s consumed.

 

_‘Air…now.’_

Spotting the bright green neon ‘Exit’ sign, she brushes past two more bodies before finally reaching the door. Pushing the door open, Clarke runs forward, only to literally run into someone else.

 

“Fuck! Ow!”

 

“Shit!”

 

They both say at the same time. Clarke stumbles slightly backwards trying to find her balance. As she rights herself, she moves to apologise to whomever it is that she’s bumped into.

 

“I’m so so—”

 

“Watch where you’re g—”

 

Clarke’s hand which had been on the way to touching the other person stops mid air as her eyes meet those of the ones she never thought she’d be seeing any time soon. Lexa.

 

It’s been years and the years have treated Lexa well. However, even in the dark, Clarke can see the bags under her eyes. She’s wearing black skinny jeans with a white tank top. A black leather jacket is thrown over the top making Lexa look threatening.

 

Time seems to have stopped as Clarke continues to stare at the woman in front of her. A small cough somewhere to her left breaks the moment. Clarke drops her hand, turning her body to the source of the sound. It’s Gustus.

 

“Have a good night ladies,” he says casually before walking away in the opposite direction.

 

Chancing a glance back at Lexa, Clarke immediately regrets it. Lexa is standing there, her arms folded with her jaw clenched. Her face is void of emotion and this makes Clarke nervous. The blonde suddenly feels a pang of guilt sweep through her reminding her of what she had done…of how she had walked away from Lexa.

 

“L-Lexa I—”

 

“Don’t,” Lexa says simply, her hand in the air, stopping Clarke. The blondes heart drops and her heart gives a painful little tug. Meeting Lexa’s gaze, Clarke can see fire in them. She wishes she hadn’t. Lexa says nothing more as she straightens herself. She takes a deep breath and lets it out slowly before fixing her gaze straight ahead and makes her way past Clarke to the entrance of the bar.

 

“Lexa, wait!” Clarke blurts out before she can stop herself. Lexa stops, her back still to her and her hand resting on the door.

 

“Welcome back, Clarke,” is all Lexa says before she pushes the door open and disappears inside the bar.

 


	3. Hangovers and Familiar Faces

**Chapter 3: Hangovers and Familiar faces.**

When Lexa wakes up the next morning, it’s with a pounding headache and a dry mouth. She groans and attempts opening at least one eye. She immediately regrets it when sunlight peeks through the windows.

 

_‘What the fuck happened last night?’_

Rolling onto her back, Lexa throws an arm over her eyes and tries to recall the events of the previous night. An image of Clarke outside the bar reminds her of how she got into her current state.

 

When Gustus had asked to speak with her, the last thing she was expecting to hear come out of Gustus’ mouth was that Clarke was back. Clarke was back and she was going to be working _with_ them as the new Medical Examiner. Working with her is one thing but having her literally bump into her was just a cruel and unusual punishment. Lexa couldn’t tell if fate was just playing games with her.

 

_‘What did I do to deserve this?’_ Lexa asks herself.

 

It had taken every ounce of self-control not to yell at the blonde last night. Regardless of how amazing the blonde looked. She still looks the same, older, but with age, Lexa couldn’t deny that the woman has only gotten more beautiful. Her eyes still that same vibrant blue. Clarke even smelled the same and that irritated Lexa because she almost faltered in her step as she brushed past her in a hurry to escape the blonde.

 

After their confrontation, Lexa made her way back into the bar. When Anya asked if she was okay, Lexa only nodded and decided against the beer being handed to her, moving straight to the good stuff, Jack. Few glasses of whiskey and shots later, Lexa remembered nothing.

 

“At least I still have my clothes on,” Lexa mumbles aloud as she pats her body down with one hand to make sure she’s still fully clothed.

 

“Guess it’s a good thing I didn’t take up your offer for sex then.”

 

The voice startles Lexa as she shoots upright and looks to the source of the sound.

 

“Cos? Ugh…” Lexa drops back down, closing her eyes again as the bright sunlight and the spinning room remind her of her hangover. The sound of bare feet moving across the hardwood floor and a light chuckle, as Costia makes her way over to the bed, fills the room. It stops and Lexa feels the bed dip as Costia sits on the edge of it. Lexa had somehow made it to Costia’s place and she didn’t even remember how she got there.

 

“Here, I’m sure you’ll be needing this right now,” Costia says causing Lexa to peek through one eye. She gives Costia a grateful smile as she begins to shuffle around the bed to prop herself up against the headboard behind her. She takes the offered glass of water and Tylenol, quickly downing it before handing the glass back to Costia who places it on the nightstand.

 

“Thanks,” Lexa mumbles again, dropping her head into her hands. “Did I really come here last night offering sex?” The brunette asks quietly.

 

“No you didn’t. I was just kidding. You did, however, show up here drunk off your ass mumbling something about ‘Clarke’ and ‘she’s so beautiful’ and…oh yeah something about how she’s back but she broke your heart so you’re going to be mean to her,” Costia replies with an amused chuckle.

 

“Fuck. How’d I even get here?”

 

“Anya. She said she didn’t want to deal with a drunk blubbering Lexa so she called me and asked if you could crash here. She and Raven helped drag your ass inside and tucked you into bed.”

 

“Oh my god Cos, I’m so sorry.”

 

“Hey, it’s fine. What are friends for right? Besides, do you realise that that’s the most vulnerable I have _ever_ seen you? Even when we were dating, you were never that…emotional,” Costia says shifting so that she’s now sitting next to the brunette. Lexa wants to say that it’s not true, but deep down, she knows it’s a lie.

 

She and Costia had dated for two and half years and not once did Lexa ever really let her guard down with the other brunette. Sure, they shared tender moments. Of stolen kisses, romantic gestures and love declarations, but Lexa never really felt like it was ever enough. Lexa knew that she had given her heart away a long time and she wasn’t sure she every really got it back. Costia felt it too and it was at a mutual understanding that they both ended things. The best thing to come out of their relationship was a friendship that Lexa is now, more than ever, grateful for.

 

“I’m sorry Cos,” is all Lexa can really say.

 

“Stop apologizing Commander. I don’t think I was ever able to measure up to her.”

 

Costia gives her a sad smile and Lexa, more than ever; wishes things had worked out between them. Costia is an amazing person, but Lexa wanted to be fair to her. She wants to see Costia happy. Lexa takes her hand in hers and gives it a gentle squeeze. Costia squeezes back and they sit there for several minutes in a comfortable silence.

 

“Anyway,” Costia says breaking it, “I think it’s time we get some coffee in you, I know how you get when you don’t get your coffee.”

 

Lexa nudges her playfully in the ribs and Costia jumps out of the bed.

 

“Go wash up and I’ll make you some coffee and pancakes.”

 

“I knew there was a reason I kept you around,” Lexa teases, earning her the middle finger.

 

Throwing off the covers, Lexa makes her way to the bathroom to brush her teeth and wash her face. Looking at herself in the mirror, she grimaces at her appearance. Her eyeliner is smudged, hair wild and untamed and she looks like death. Literally. Groaning, she opens the top drawer to find a spare toothbrush.

 

A good 15 minutes later, face clear of any traces of makeup, she walks out of Costia’s bathroom just in time for her cell phone to ring. Searching around the room, she finds her leather jacket hanging on the back of the chair by the window. Making her way over as quickly as her body will let her, she manages to answer just before the ringing stops. She doesn’t bother looking at the caller I.D.

 

“Woods,” she answers narrowing her eyes at the sunlight before turning her back towards the window.

 

_“Oh good, you’re not dead,”_ Anya says, a grin evident in her voice.

 

“No, but I wish I was. Why didn’t you guys stop me? I feel like shit!”

 

_“I’m not your mum Commander, besides you looked like you needed the drink. It’s been a while.”_

 

“Ugh. I hate you so much. Also, how dare you leave me at Costia’s. I have a perfectly fine apartment Fisher.”

 

_“Yeah, an apartment that you share with me. I couldn’t handle your bitching and moaning about Clarke so I dropped you there. Besides, I didn’t want you killing my…uh…night,”_ Anya says her voice dropping to a whisper.

 

“Seriously? You couldn’t go to _their_ place?”

 

_“We could’ve, but Raven’s place is a little too far for my liking.”_

It takes a second for Lexa to process what Anya’s just said. She blames it on the hangover.

 

“Wait…what?! You and Raven? Please tell me I don’t have to throw away the couch.”

 

Lexa can practically hear Anya rolling her eyes right now. She can’t help but smile at the realisation, that her two best friends who have been dancing around each other for months, have finally gotten together.

 

_“Don’t be a drama queen, of course not. Just don’t sit on the armchair nearest the TV.”_

 

“What the _fuck_ , Anya, that’s MY fucking seat. That’s it, you’re both buying me a new chair!”

 

_“Relax Lex, I’m fucking with you,”_ Anya says laughing.

 

“I can’t deal with you right now Fisher, seriously.”

 

_“You’re not even going to congratulate me?”_

 

Lexa rolls her eyes, smiling at the empty room she’s still standing in the middle of.

 

“Of course I am you bitch. I’m really happy for the both of you. It’s about damn time you two got together.”

 

_“Thanks Lex. Honestly, I don’t know what took us so long. The things she can do with her h—”_

 

“Okay, I _really_ don’t need to hear that right now.”

 

“Aw come on Lexa, you’re my best friend and it’s tradition. Rae does this thing wh—”

 

“I’m hanging up now Anya, bye!” Lexa says quickly hanging up her phone and tucking it away in the back pocket of her jeans. It starts ringing seconds later. She groans but answers it anyway.

 

“Anya, I said no.”

 

_“Er…Actually detective, we’ve got a body.”_

* * *

 

It takes Clarke 10 minutes to arrive at the scene of the crime. A crowd has gathered and reporters are already circling the area trying to catch a glimpse of the scene. Pushing her way through she makes it to the yellow tape that surrounds the area.

 

“Dr. Griffin, I’m the examiner,” she says to one of the officers standing guard, flashing her I.D.

 

“Oh okay…right this way Doc,” he says lifting the tape to let her pass through.

 

As Clarke approaches the body, she catches a glimpse of Anya talking to one of the officers. Not wanting to get caught, she quickly averts her gaze and makes her way to the victim. Lincoln approaches him, a bright smile on his face. Clarke wonder’s how he can be so happy all the time.

 

“Hey Clarke, great way to start of your new job hey?”

 

“You could say that,” she replies giving him a small smile.

 

“Dr. Griffin?”

 

Clarke turns to find a young brunette woman approaching her with a big smile.

 

“Ah, yes?”

 

“Hi, I’m Harper, I just wanted to say I’m really glad that I’ll be working with you. I help gather the evidence and stuff and like, I just can’t express in words how happy I am that you’ve come aboard. I almost didn’t believe it! Anyway, I’m rambling. I’m sorry, I just…wow. Dr. Clarke Griffin, one of the top Medical Examiners coming to work for Polis. I’ve read all your articles and I just, wow. You’re just so amazing.”

 

“I…uh…thank you,” Clarke says feeling a little overwhelmed by the woman.

 

“Taylor, get back to work. You’re supposed to be helping Green gather as much evidence as you can. Griffin, you’re late.”

 

_‘Shit. Anya.’_

“I couldn’t find my car keys.”

 

“Whatever, lets just get this over and done with.”

 

Clarke takes a deep breath and lets it out slowly to calm herself down. The last thing she wants to do is to start something.

 

“I’ll talk to you later, Clarke,” Lincoln says with a sympathetic smile. He reaches out and gives her shoulder a comforting squeeze before making his way to the growing crowd.

 

Glancing at the body in front of her, Clarke slowly makes her way over to the victim. Getting into the zone, she completely blocks everyone out around her, concentrating on finding the possible cause of death. Placing her bag on the ground next to her, she grabs a pair of gloves and begins moving around the body. Clarke is so engrossed in what she’s doing that she almost doesn’t realise Lexa’s arrival until someone calls the brunette. Taking her eyes off of the body in front of her, her eyes find Lexa, who’s donned a pair of sunglasses and doesn’t look all too pleased to be here. Clarke averts her gaze, a little disappointed that she can’t see Lexa’s eyes behind the dark shades, and goes back to examining the body.

 

_‘Poor guy. What the hell did you do to deserve this kind of fate?’_

“Are you done yet Griffin? Some of us would like to know what happened before Christmas. Jeeze, I thought boss man said she was the best,” Anya says scoffing and nudging Lexa gently. Lexa frowns but doesn’t do anything but nod.

 

_‘Clarke…deep breath in 2…3… and out…2…3.’_

 

Ignoring Anya, Clarke continues her work and after several minutes, she’s able to determine the cause of death. Or at least what seems to be the cause, she can’t make that out for certain unless she’s done a complete autopsy. She definitely doesn’t want to miss anything. The blonde stands and winces as her knee gives a quiet pop.

 

_‘Fuck. Must be the old age.’_

“Well?” Anya asks impatiently.

 

Clarke has to bite her tongue as she waves the blonde over to her. Tutting, Anya takes out a pair of gloves from her jacket pocket and makes her way over to where Clarke is, stopping on the other side of the victim. Lexa chooses to stay where she is, arms folded, gaze seemingly fixed on the victim.

 

“This was premeditated, Detective Fisher,” Clarke starts, finding that being professional is the only possible way she can handle a conversation with Anya. She’s here to do a job after all.

 

“See the puncture wound on the right side of the victims neck?” She asks bending at the knees once again to show Anya what she’s talking about. She turns the victim’s head slightly so Anya can see what she’s seeing. Anya nodding her understanding, Clarke decides it’s safe to continue.

 

“Whoever did this knows exactly what they’re doing. They sedated the victim, tortured him and then delivered precise cuts, the final one slitting the throat enough for him to bleed out and die. From what I can see, the incision marks, are similar to that of a scalpel. However, I can’t be too sure until I do a full autopsy. I want to be a hundred precent sure that it’s the cause of death.”

 

“Mmm,” is all Anya says before standing and making her way over to Lexa. Clarke is left alone, suddenly unsure of what to do. She spots Harper who’s been watching them and waves her over. The younger woman practically runs over to where Clarke is, almost tripping over her own feet. Clarke chuckles quietly to herself.

 

“Heya Doc, what’s up?” She asks when she finally reaches the blonde.

 

“I’m done here, you and your team can finish collecting what you need, I’ll head to the lab and wait for the victim there.”

 

“Of course Dr. Griffin. Man this is so exciting,” Harper says as she makes her way back to where the guy named ‘Green’ is. Checking the time, Clarke’s stomach growls, just a reminder that she hadn’t had breakfast yet. Glancing once more at Lexa and Anya, her heart sinks when she realises that neither of them seem to care that she’s still there. It hurts even more to see that Lexa’s back is to her while Anya seems to be explaining what happened. A tap on her shoulder causes her to jump a little. She turns to find a delivery guy standing there holding a bouquet of flowers. Clarke’s eyebrows furrow in confusion.

 

“Um…yes?”

 

“Are you Clarke Griffin?” he asks in a bored tone.

 

“This is she.”

 

“These are for you,” he says handing her the flowers. Clarke’s frown deepens.

 

“But I didn’t…?”

 

“Sorry ma’am but all I do is deliver them flowers. Whoever it’s from, that ain’t none of ma’ business.”

 

Reluctantly taking the bouquet she tips the guy. The kid pops his gum before winking at her and walking away. Searching inside, she finds the side of a card barely peeking out, buried in the middle. Taking it out, she reads what’s written on the card.

 

_Welcome back home Dr. Griffin._

_I expect to see you very soon._

_-Admirer from afar._

_‘What the fuck?!’_

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thanks again for those who left me comments and the kudos guys. Hope you liked the Costia/Lexa interaction. Also, Raven and Anya, am I right? Who could be Clarke's admirer? Next chapter, Clarke and Lexa will be forced to interact.


	4. It Happened Five Years Ago

**Chapter 4: It Happened Five Years Ago**

_5 Years ago_

_“Seriously, Clarke, you’re being ridiculous! You can’t just leave without saying goodbye. You haven’t even **told** her that Ark U’s accepted you and that was fucking four months ago. She’s your best friend Clarke,” Raven hisses as her eyes follow the blonde around while she packs. _

_“I can’t Rae. I can’t say goodbye to Lexa. If I do it, I won’t be able to leave. I’ll stay.”_

_“Fuck, Clarke! Do you even hear yourself right now? Do you really think that she’ll ask you to stay? You know she’s not that selfish!”_

_“I know, okay?! I know!” Clarke snaps._

_“Then what IS it?!”_

_“I…I love her Rae. I’m **in** love with her,” the blonde admits, choking back a sob and plopping herself on her bed, head bowed. Raven stands from Clarke’s desk chair and moves toward the blonde. She sits next to her and pulls her in for a hug. The blonde lets her tears fall freely._

_“I know Clarke, I know,” Raven says as she runs her hand up and down the blondes back to help sooth her. After several moments Clarke finally stops and pulls away from the brunette. She wipes her tears and smiles apologetically at her friend._

_“I’m sorry Rae, I just…” Clarke sighs and looks down at her hands. “I-I know that Lexa would never ask me to stay. She’s selfless and always wants what’s best for everyone, especially for me. But I don’t know how to say goodbye to her Raven. I’ve gone over and over in my head about how things are going to go, but it always ends with me not leaving. I don’t think I’ll be able to handle physically saying the words.”_

_“But Clarke, you leaving her, without even saying goodbye, that would absolutely destroy her.”_

_Clarke can feel a lump in her throat and a painful tug at her heart at the thought of what she’s about to do. But she feels like it’s the right to do. If she breaks all ties and rips the band-aid off, it’ll hurt less._

_“M-maybe it’s for the best. I need to do this Rae. For **me**. Lexa’s strong, she’ll forget about me and become the best Lawyer in Polis. She doesn’t need me here and besides, she’s with Sarah right now, how can I compete with **her**.”_

_“It’s a mistake. What you’re doing right now, or going to do, it’s a big fucking mistake Clarke. Besides you shouldn’t even worry about Sarah, Lexa’s in love with you too, you’d know that if you had just grown some fucking balls and told her! But the two of you are too damn stubborn for your own good.”_

_“But she’s happy with her Rae, I can’t take that away from her. I…I just want her to be happy,” Clarke says her shoulders dropping in defeat._

_“It’s just a front. Shit, I swear the two of you are just as fucking clueless as each other!”_

_Clarke’s jaw sets as she looks determinedly at Raven._

_“I’m not going to change my mind Raven. I have to do this.”_

_“No, you don’t. It’s what you **think** you have to do,” Raven sighs. She stands and backs away from Clarke to look out her window down into the empty parking lot downstairs._

_“Just **think** about it Clarke. Think about what this will do, whom this will hurt and whether it’s worth doing. Lexa’s my best friend too and I don’t want to hide this from her. Just tonight, think about it, if by tomorrow you still want to go through with this stupid idea, I won’t say anything. But Clarke? Just know that if you do leave without saying goodbye, I don’t think I’ll be able to be your friend anymore.”_

_The blonde is a little taken aback by what Raven says. Her words sting. Before Clarke can say anything else, Raven turns on her heel and is out the door. The blonde gets up from her bed and moves to the window. She watches Raven walk through the car park of her apartment complex, jump into her pickup and drive off. Raven doesn’t wave. She never forgets to wave._

_Clarke doesn’t know how long she stands there watching cars come and go, but when she finally moves, the light outside has dimmed. She decides to finish packing her things. She’s almost done packing when her phone goes off. She grabs it to find a message from Lexa. Unlocking her phone and checking the message her heart drops when she reads it._

_Lex: Heya Clarke, guess what? Sarah and I are going away for a weekend away with her parents to the Mountains. I’m so nervous! I can’t believe that the first time I’ll be meeting the parents, it’s for a weekend away! Gosh I hope they like me. What if they don’t like me? Omg! What if I screw up? Clarke, I don’t even know what to do?! Fuck me!! Welp? :O :O :O_

_Even though her heart hurts, she can’t help but smile at her friends minor freak out. She’s always known Lexa to be this confident, brave, don’t take shit from anyone kind of girl who can hold her own against anyone, but here she is, freaking out over ‘meeting the parents’. Clarke swallows back the bile that threatens to make it’s way into her mouth. It makes her stomach curl at the thought of Lexa, **her** Lexa, spending time with Sarah and her parents when she could be spending time with her. _

_‘You were too late Clarke. You couldn’t grow a pair and just tell her you idiot!’_

_Settling down on her bed, Clarke takes a few minutes before replying back to Lexa’s message._

_Clarke: Lexa, you’re going to be fine. You’re smart, you’re gorgeous, you’re funny, you’re kind and you’re beautiful inside and out. Sarah’s parents will absolutely love you. Just be yourself…_

_Clarke takes a moment to compose herself. She knows that the next part is going to be the hardest thing she’s ever had to say and the biggest lie she’s ever had to tell her best friend._

_…I’m really happy for you Lex. I’m glad you and Sarah are taking that next step. She makes you happy. I can’t wait to hear all about it later. Just don’t cook them anything, that’ll never win anyone over =P_

_Clarke pushes send and throws her phone on top of her suitcase. She stares at it until her phone lights up with Lexa’s name across the screen. She takes her phone and reads._

_Lex: Clarke, you know I love you right? You’re the bestest most best friend a girl could ever have…_

_‘Ouch. Is it possible to have your heart broken into a million pieces?’_

_…and that was only ONE time Clarke! Thank you for being so supportive. I just…you know I’ve never done this before. I would have called but Sarah’s sleeping and I don’t want to wake her. Of course I’m going to tell you all about it. I’m coming over tomorrow by the way to take you to lunch and you can help me do some shopping. We’re going skiing and I don’t have anything for that kinda weather. Can’t wait to see your face!_

_Clarke: Sounds like a plan. Can’t wait to see yours either. Goodnight Lex._

_Lex: Goodnight Clarke, sweet dreams xx_

_Clarke: Don’t let the bedbugs bite xx_

* * *

_As Lexa circles around Clarke’s building complex to find a parking spot, she can’t help but smile at the thought of seeing the blonde again. They’ve both been so busy with finals this week that they’ve barely seen or spent much time together. Clarke had finished her exam the day before yesterday and Lexa’s was yesterday. Sometimes Lexa wonders why she chose to take Law in the first place._

_Getting out of her car, she scans the car park for Clarke’s little blue beetle, but doesn’t find it in its usual parking space. Shrugging, she brushes it off and thinks nothing of it. She can just wait inside Clarke’s apartment since she has the spare key. Locking up her car, Lexa begins her ascent up the two flights of stairs and rounds the corner to Clarke’s two doors down. Slipping her key into the lock, she opens it slowly and peaks her head through._

_“Clarke?” She calls out while closing the door. When she walks out into the lounge, Lexa freezes, her eyes taking in the empty space around her._

_‘What the hell is going on?’_

_Turning to the kitchen, Lexa finds an envelope, her name written on the front. She frowns as she picks up the envelope and runs her hand over Clarke’s familiar scrawl. Lexa opens it tentatively almost afraid whatever’s inside is going to burst into flames._

_Dear Lexa,_

_You don’t know how many times I’ve tried to write this to you without having to cross something out or throw it out. I’m really sorry I didn’t tell you sooner Lex but I just couldn’t do it. I couldn’t say goodbye to you. I know I’m taking the coward’s way out but by the time you’ve read this, I will be gon—_

_Lexa stops reading, the letter slipping from her fingers, landing quietly onto the hardwood floor of Clarke’s apartment. Clarke’s former apartment._

_“LEXA!!! LEXA ARE YOU IN THERE??!! OPEN THE DOOR!!!”_

_The brunette barely registers Raven’s voice and heavy banging, her body moving on autopilot, she makes her way to the door. Raven bursts through the door, almost knocking Lexa over, barely managing to reach out in time to steady the other woman. Lexa just stares at her, her expression blank, emotionless._

_“Lexa? Lexa babe, are you okay?”_

_“C-Clarke…” Lexa barely manages to say completely at a loss for words. She only registers Raven’s hands on her shoulders when she feels her body being shaken lightly._

_“Lexa…”_

_“She’s gone.”_

_“Fuck! Clarke what the fuck did you do, god dammit! I fucking told you not to do it! Just one fucking night and she couldn’t even do it,” she says brushing past Lexa._

_“Y-you knew?” Lexa says her brain catching on to what Raven just said. The sound of Raven’s footsteps suddenly come to a halt at Lexa’s question. Lexa turns around slowly to face Raven’s back._

_“Raven, answer me,” she repeats, her voice distant. Cold. Raven’s shoulders drop dejectedly, her head dropping, a shaky sigh escaping her. Slowly, Raven turns to face Lexa, her face ridden with guilt._

_“I wanted to tell you,” she starts, moving towards Lexa, her hand outstretched. Lexa backs away. Raven’s hand drops opting to look at the ground instead._

_“I was here last night. I tried talking her out of it. I thought that maybe I’d gotten through to her and that she would think about things over night. To say goodbye to you before she up and left, but I guess she doesn’t think we’re worth it.”_

_Lexa can hardly believe what she’s just heard._

_‘Clarke’s gone and she didn’t even say goodbye? Where is she even gone? Why does Raven know about it and not me? I’m her best friend!’_

_Suddenly, Lexa is angry. She’s angry with Clarke. She’s angry at Raven. But most of all, she’s angry with herself. She’s just…angry. With her jaw set, Lexa pushes past Raven and snatches the letter she didn’t finish reading from the floor. With angry hot tears she turns on Raven, voice shaking as she begins to read the letter again._

_“Dear Lexa,_

_You don’t know how many times I’ve tried to write this to you without having to cross something out or throw it out. I’m really sorry I didn’t tell you sooner Lex but I just couldn’t do it. I couldn’t say goodbye to you. I know I’m taking the coward’s way out but by the time you’ve read this, I’ll be gone._

_Four months ago, I got an acceptance letter to Ark University to continue my medical studies there. Please believe me when I say that I tried telling you. I wanted to share this news with you, but then the same day I got the letter, you came to my apartment with the biggest smile on your face telling me that you had a date. So being the dutiful best friend, I pushed my news aside and asked about the details and how’s and when’s. As days passed, it became more and more difficult to tell you._

_From a distance, I watched your relationship with Sarah grow. You still spent time with me like old times but it didn’t feel the same. I felt like you were pulling away from me. I wanted things to be like old times. I was being selfish when I’d ask you to stay over, but I couldn’t help it, I cherished those times we spent together._

_Eventually as time went on, it got harder for me to stand on the sidelines. I’m a coward Lexa and I couldn’t be the better person. Two weeks ago, I let Ark U know that I was interested. I was going to tell you by the end of this week. We became busy with finals and I just couldn’t find the time. I know I’m making excuses, but when I thought about saying goodbye, I knew I couldn’t do it. I knew that if I’d said goodbye to you, I wouldn’t go, that I wouldn’t be able to leave Polis. I know you wouldn’t have stopped me but I would have. I would have declined the offer and continued to stay at Polis U for you._

_When you texted me last night about meeting Sarah’s parents, it all became too real for me, too painful. I knew I couldn’t stay because I knew that you were happy with someone else. You were already meeting the parents and how could I get in the way of that? How could I say goodbye to my best friend and act like her being with someone else makes me happy? I couldn’t admit it to myself for the longest time let alone you. The one person that I trust with my life. The one person that’s always been there for me. The one person I fell in love with and never said anything about until it was too late._

_Please don’t be angry at Raven either. She only found out last night when she came over to find me packing my things. She asked me to spend the night thinking it over. To say goodbye to you. She tried to talk me into not leaving without saying goodbye but when you texted, I knew I couldn’t do it._

_Raven I’m sorry. I considered it, I really did but how could I stand in the way of happiness? I hate that I’ve had to lose two very important people in my life because I’m selfish._

_I’m a fucking coward Lex. I know and I hope that one day you’ll be able to forgive me but I made this decision with my head and not my heart._

_I’m sorry._

_May we meet again,_

_Clarke.”_

_Lexa stops reading and drops to her knees, no longer able to hold in her tears, the letter balled up in one hand. All the pain, the hurt and the anger consuming her all at once. As Raven pulls her into her arms, Lexa can only lean into the woman as she lets her cries fill the empty apartment._

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Once again, thanks everyone!! The comments, the kudos, just...thank you. 
> 
> So here's the moment some of y'all have been waiting for, what happened all those years ago. Why Clarke? Why did you do it? 
> 
> I do apologise for how short it is. I did want to add in the present, but then I thought this was better off as a standalone chapter. Hope you all enjoy.


	5. You Have to Start Somewhere

**Chapter 5: You have to start somewhere.**

Clarke isn’t sure how long she sits watching the bouquet placed delicately atop her workstation, but the sound of someone clearing their throat draws her attention. The blonde stiffens when her eyes land on familiar greens ones. Rid of the sunglasses, Lexa may look exhausted, but her face is nothing if not impassive as she stands by the entrance, arms folded across her chest.

 

“Anya says you found something. She couldn’t make it so she sent me unfortunately,” Lexa says breaking the silence. Clarke ignores the last part, giving her a small nod.

 

Clearing her throat, the blonde stands from her table and makes her way to the victim, shoving her hands in her lab coat pockets. She listens as Lexa’s too quiet footsteps make their way over to the body. Her approach is tentative. Careful.

 

Clarke places a pair of latex gloves on and picks up the victims right hand, turning it over so Lexa can see. The brunette hesitates for a second before leaning forward to get a better look.

 

“The killer burned a number on the tip of each finger. It’s the same for his left hand. There’s no clear pattern that I can see or anything familiar to it. It seems random but maybe it means something to you?” Clarke says before laying the victims hand back on the table, daring to take a glance at the brunette.

 

Lexa says nothing. Clarke isn’t sure if she’s pissed at the other woman’s lack of a response or not. Taking a deep breath and counting to three, she decides to continue, shuffling to her right so she can remove the sheet placed atop the victims body covering what she really wanted to show. A gasp escapes Lexa’s lips when the victim’s torso is revealed. The blonde raises an eyebrow at her but says nothing. Across the victims bruise covered abdomen were the words _‘I’m coming for her’_ engraved into it.

 

“The killer, as Harper found out, used a needle to carve this onto his torso,” she continues. When her eyes find Lexa again, her jaw is clenched and her expression has turned cold. The room once again is filled with silence as Clarke’s eyes drop back down to the victims face.

 

_‘What did you get yourself into?’_

“Anything else?” Lexa asks after a couple of minutes, her eyes looking anywhere else but Clarke.

 

“No,” the blonde replies a little too sharply suddenly annoyed at Lexa and her lack of, well, anything.

 

“Great,” the brunette answers simply before turning on her heel to make her way out.

 

“That’s it?!” Clarke snaps successfully stopping Lexa dead in her tracks.

 

“That’s _all_ you have to say? We’re going to be working together Lexa, I know you don’t like it, but at least try to _act_ like yo—”

 

“Like _what_ Clarke? Like I _want_ to be here? Like I’m _happy_ to be here?!” The brunette hisses, turning to face Clarke now, anger clear in her expression. Clarke refuses to acknowledge the way her heart gives a painful tug at Lexa’s words.

 

“You don’t have to act happy about it but I’d appreciate it if you’d at least give me more than one word answers Lexa!” Clarke matches Lexa’s glare, her hands clenched into tight fists, breathing heavy.

 

“I don’t owe you shit,” Lexa says, her voice dangerously low. Clarke can’t help the shiver that runs through her body. “And it’s Detective Woods to you. Good day Dr. Griffin.”

 

With that, Lexa turns on her heel once more and is out the door before Clarke can retort. Removing her gloves, Clarke throws them angrily at the trashcan.

 

“Fuck!” Clarke says aloud to the empty room.

 

_‘This is going to be a long fucking year.’_

* * *

 

When Lexa finds Anya, it’s with the other woman’s lips glued to Raven’s. On any other day, she would’ve made a joke but with her hangover and what had just transpired with Clarke, she’s hardly in the mood.

 

“Good to see you’re too fucking busy, Anya,” she says as she walks past the couple to her desk. The couple break apart and Lexa can almost hear Anya rolling her eyes.

 

“Oh come on Woods, it can’t have been that bad, I mean you didn’t kill her did you?” Anya asks propping herself on the edge of Lexa’s desk. Raven decides to take the seat opposite Lexa.

 

“I told you I wasn’t ready,” she says simply, sinking into her chair, leaning back so she could close her eyes. She can feel her headache coming back and she has to refrain from groaning out loud. She’s tired and the last thing she wants to do is trade pleasantries with Raven and Anya. She’s also still slightly annoyed that they had left her at Costia’s.

 

“So no hate sex then?” Raven asks.

 

“Fuck you, Reyes.”

 

“Back off Woods, she’s mine,” Anya teases. Both women begin to laugh and it annoys Lexa more who opens her eyes to fix them with her infamous ‘warrior death glare’ as Raven likes to say. They stop immediately.

 

“In all seriousness though, what happened?” The blonde asks, her voice taking on a serious tone.

 

“The poor bastard has some numbers burned onto the tips of his fingers and has the words ‘I’m coming for her’ engraved into his skin. Apparently the numbers are random but I didn’t get to see the other hand to know for sure. Otherwise, ‘her’ could be anyone in this fucking place.”

 

“You don’t have any pictures or anything?” Raven asks leaning forward. “I mean it would be such a shame to not use my incredibly large brain right now.”

 

“No,” Lexa replies looking down at the random coffee stain left on the top of her desk. “I didn’t stay there long enough to ask for it.”

 

“Lex…”

 

“Look, if you want to get photographic evidence, you can go ask her yourself. But right now, I think I’m going to go home. I feel like shit and I need a fucking shower. Don’t think I’ve forgotten that you guys dumped me at someone else’s place just so you can sleep together. While I’m happy that you both finally figured it out, I’m just really not in the mood.”

 

Grabbing the leather jacket that she’d so graciously dumped on top of her desk, Lexa pushes herself away from the table and makes to stand up before movement at the entrance catches her eye. This time she lets an audible groan escape her lips when she sees the familiar head of blonde enter.

 

_‘Seriously?’_

 

Both Raven and Anya turn their heads in the same direction as they watch Clarke approach.

 

At first she seems unsure about approaching. Lexa watches in amusement as Clarke pulls back her shoulders, sets her jaw and starts walking over to them, an envelope clutched in her hands. Lexa can’t help but admire Clarke in her lab coat. She knows she shouldn’t, that she can’t notice these things about the blonde, but she can’t help it. The lab coat _suits_ Clarke a little too well. Her black skinny jeans, dark blue button up and brown boots compliment the lab coat and this pisses Lexa off, because she shouldn’t be noticing these things about Clarke. Lexa tears her gaze away from the blonde fixating instead on the coffee mug stain. She glances up once the sound of Clarke’s heeled boots come to a stop just short of her desk.

 

“Detective Fisher, Detective Woods and...De—”

 

“Just leaving actually,” Raven says jumping up from her seat. She quickly moves forward to give Anya a kiss on the cheek and Lexa a quick one-armed hug. “I’ll see you guys later.”

 

Lexa almost doesn’t catch the hurt that flashes through Clarke’s features at Raven’s hasty exit, because it’s there for only a second, but she catches it. She doesn’t talk about it much, but Lexa knows that Clarke leaving had hurt Raven just as much as it did her. They had been best friends too, once upon a time.

 

“She’s not a Detective, she’s with the bomb squad,” Anya says casually. “So y’know, I wouldn’t want to mess with her or anything.”

 

“Oh. Right…”

 

Clarke is back to being uncomfortable again. The woman that strolled here with purpose and confidence is gone, replaced by someone who lacks strength. It irks Lexa because she knows Clarke is a fighter. She witnessed that not long ago with their confrontation.

 

_‘Where is that woman now?’_

 

“Did you need something?”

 

“Um…oh right! Yes. Umm…I forgot to give Le—er…Detective Woods the photos. Of the marks and stuff…”

 

But, however annoyed Lexa might be, she has to bite the inside of her cheek to keep from smiling, as a hint of red paints the blondes cheeks. Lexa makes no move to grab the envelope in Clarke’s outstretched hand, so Anya does it, but not without an incredibly loud tut.

 

“Thanks Griffin. But seriously, if you two don’t find a way to sort whatever the fuck this is, I’m locking the both of you in a cell. I’m not your middleman nor am I your fucking messenger and don’t you dare give me that look Woods, I’ll do it and you know. Now if you’ll both excuse me, I have to go…see someone about something.”

 

Stepping away from Lexa’s desk, Anya throws the envelope onto the brunette’s desk.

 

“See you at home later. Actually on second thought, you might not,” she says over her shoulder before turning on Clarke.

 

“I may not like you Griffin, but unlike that idiot, I know how to keep things professional. Now if you’ll excuse me.”

 

Anya is out the door before either woman can say anything. Lexa watches the blonde for a moment, glad that she seems to be finding something on the floor fascinating. Lexa knows that Anya’s right but it’s hard for her. How can you act professional when the woman that broke your heart all those years ago is back? The brunette knows that the right thing to do would be to at least _try_ to act civilised. She knows she can’t make any promises but for the sake of their working relationship, Lexa is willing to act polite.

 

Picking up the envelope Clarke had bought, she stands from her desk, her eyes moving to Clarke who’s now looking at her with wide eyes. Lexa can only nod before muttering a quiet thank you. Picking up her keys and jacket once more, she quickly shuffles past Clarke and makes a hasty exit. She said she was going to try. Baby steps.

* * *

 After several more hours, she finally called it quits and is now opening the door to hers and Octavia’s apartment. She’d spent the entire day trying to figure out what the numbers on the mans fingers meant and after hours of getting nothing, she gave up and decided it was time to go home. Clarke knew it wasn’t really her job, but something about those numbers seemed familiar some how.

 

Dumping her keys on the table by the door she makes her way over to their unnecessarily expensive leather couch, throwing herself on it. Today with Lexa had been difficult for her. She hated that things had come to this. When she first made the decision to leave Polis, she thought it was the right decision to make, but with how things are now, she’s not so sure. But the blonde doesn’t regret doing what she did. Lexa had been in a happy relationship, so why ruin that?

 

For years, she had imagined what her reunion with Lexa would have been like. She can accept that Lexa is angry with her. She can accept that Lexa can’t even talk to her. But what she can’t accept is the way Lexa ignores her, avoids eye contact and most of all, she can’t accept that when she does look at Lexa, she sees pain. Behind all the anger, the distrust, the dislike, Clarke can see the pain behind Lexa’s eyes. The brunette’s forest green eyes were always so easy to read for Clarke. It’s why she hated that Lexa did anything and everything to make their interaction as short and as little as possible.

 

Then there was Raven. When Clarke had seen her, she had expected Raven to yell at her too, but it surprised her when all she did was leave. Clarke wasn’t sure if that hurt more than her actually saying anything. That day Clarke decided to leave, she hadn’t just hurt Lexa, but Raven too.

 

Letting out a frustrated sigh she sits up and faces the TV. She glares at it for several minutes before deciding to get up so she can have a shower and relax in front of the TV, order take out and watch reruns of ‘Friends’. When Clarke exits her bedroom after washing away the day, she hears voices coming from the sitting room. She pads quietly down the hallway.

 

Rounding the corner to her open plan living area, she smiles when she spots Octavia with Lincoln. Leaning against the wall, she watches their shy smiles, tentative touches and quiet laughs. Clarke can’t help but feel a little saddened by the scene in front of her. She hasn’t been able to share a moment like that with anyone but Lexa. Not even when she was with Finn.

 

“Clarke! Hey, didn’t see you there,” Lincoln says finally noticing the blonde over Octavia’s shoulder.

 

“Well, you were both distracted, didn’t want to ruin the moment,” she says gesturing to both him and Octavia. She chuckles at the slight look of embarrassment on Lincoln’s face while Octavia gives her an overly exaggerated eye roll. Clarke sticks her tongue out at her as she makes her way to the couch. Grabbing the remote and pulling out her phone she turns back to the couple.

 

“I’m going to watch Friends and order a ridiculous amount of Chinese take out Linc if you want to stay for dinner?”

 

“I’d love too, but I uh…I promised Lex I’d um…help her with something. I just wanted to drop Octavia off, make sure she got home okay,” he says looking intently at the ground. Clarke can’t help but smile at how shy Lincoln seems to be. Not being able to help herself, Clarke waggles her eyebrows suggestively at Octavia who then proceeds to give her the middle finger before taking Lincoln’s hand and dragging him to the door.

 

“I’m going to say goodbye to Lincoln now. I want some eggrolls Clarke,” Octavia says over her shoulder. Lincoln barely manages a wave before he’s pushed out the door with Octavia right on his heels.

 

Just as Clarke’s hanging up the phone, Octavia walks back into their apartment, announcing that she’s going to get changed before joining her. In true Octavia timing, she makes it out just as Clarke’s closing the door to the apartment building, a plastic bag full of Chinese food clutched in her hand. Placing it on the table, she resumes ‘Friends’ and settles back onto the couch. Octavia takes out what she wants and hands Clarke her own, plopping herself next to Clarke.

 

“So, you and Lincoln hey?” Clarke asks.

 

“He’s sweet Clarke, I really like him,” she replies, unable to hide her smile.

“He’s always been a sweet guy. He’s definitely different from the usual guys that you’re into, O.”

 

The brunette nods.

 

“He was the perfect gentleman today. At work he was professional but when we went out to lunch, he was just so nice to me, it was nice to be treated that way. I know we’ve only just met but I can really see myself falling for him Clarke.”

 

“You deserve to be happy O and I can see that he makes you smile. Your last asshole of a boyfriend couldn’t even do that.”

 

“I know…but it was safe you know? Bad guys are predictable and it was all in good fun, but Lincoln? Lincoln’s different.”

 

Clarke can’t help but smile at her best friend. In the years that she’s known Octavia, she’s always gone for the rebel, the bad guy. But this is the first time Octavia’s been attracted to someone that didn’t have a criminal record. Or so Clarke assumed. It’s funny though considering Octavia’s a cop.

 

“Just remember that I’m still going to be your Maid of Honour and your first child is to be named after me,” Clarke teases.

 

“Whatever Clarke,” Octavia says with a laugh. “Anyway, enough about me, what about you? How shitty was your day? You can’t say ‘nothing’ because the only time you order Chinese is when you’re upset about something.”

 

“I tried talking to Lexa today,” the blonde starts. Octavia says nothing but nods, waiting for Clarke to continue.

 

“She was so angry, O. How am I going to fix things if she doesn’t even want to be in the same room let alone talk to me?”

 

“I know that it’s cliché, but I think maybe she just needs some time?”

 

Clarke sighs, placing her Kung Pao chicken on the coffee table.

 

“You weren’t there though. There was so much anger in her eyes and…and pain. She hates me…”

 

“Griffin, don’t you dare say that! I did NOT just drag my ass all the way from Ark to Polis only to have you chicken out. You said you wanted to make right, you better try your hardest to make it right. You owe it to her, I know she might not…like you right now, but you can’t just give up Clarke. Besides, I don’t think she _hates_ you.”

 

“I just don’t know how to approach it, y’know? I feel like no matter what I say, we’ll just end up in an argument.”

 

“I can always lock you guys in a cell?”

 

Clarke can’t help but roll her eyes at Octavia, remembering Anya’s words from earlier.

 

“That’s the same thing Anya said.”

 

“I think I’d better meet this Anya, she sounds like my kinda gal.”

 

“Mmm not so much. I’d say Raven is…” Clarke trails off, remembering that Raven had also been there.

 

“What?” Octavia asks when Clarke says nothing.

 

“I saw Raven too.”

 

“Oh shit.”

 

“Yeah.”

 

“Did she say anything?”

 

“No. She just up and left. Ugh. This sucks! No one wants to be in the same room as me. The only person that acknowledges me is Anya. She’s mean but at least she talks to me and we weren’t even friends when I lived here.”

 

“That’s not true, Lincoln still talks to you and he likes being in the same room as you.”

 

“Yeah but that’s because Lincoln’s a big softie. He may be all muscle but he’s just marsh mellow on the inside.”

 

“A very sexy marsh mellow.”

 

“Octavia? Don’t ever change okay?”

 

“Of course not. You’re stuck with me forever. Anyway, I know you’re probably gonna say no but hear me out. Lincoln invited us to a little party that’s happening on Wednesday night and I said yes. Now before you say anything, don’t. You want to sort things out with Lexa, why not at least try and talk to her at the party? You have to start somewhere Princess. _Make_ her feel like it’s worth her time to talk to you.”

 

“If she doesn’t talk to me?”

 

“Then you think of something else. In the years that I’ve known you, you’ve never been one to back down from anything. Don’t give up on her Clarke. Otherwise my offer to lock you in a cell still stands, with or without Anya’s help.”

 

Sometimes, Clarke wonders how she got so lucky with a friend like Octavia. If it weren’t for the younger woman, she never would have been able to make it past her first year of College. For a while, Clarke thinks about Octavia’s words. She has a point and she has to at least start somewhere.

 

“Okay. You’re right. Have to start somewhere I guess.”

 

“That’s my girl. Now, enough of this heavy stuff commence thy Friends marathon!”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I know this chapter took a little longer to post but the recent episode just had me in awe. I got distracted with all the pretty on Tumblr! But like how about it though right? It was so gooooood! Anyway, I hope you all enjoyed the chapter. I'm sorry about it being a little slow, but I promise I'll have more Clexa interaction in the up coming chapters. Thanks so much for the comments in the last chapter and the kudos etc :) As always you're all amazing. 
> 
> If y'all wanna hang out with me or just bug me about the next chapter on the Tumblr's, you can follow me here: iwritenonsense1.tumblr.com


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